I LOVE my Aquarian friends. This week I did lunch with one of them for her birthday. I am a Virgo and we're not supposed to get on well with Aquarians but I was raised by an Aquarian in the wild, so I love them.
I was doing the usual complaining a theatre director does about the dearth of young men available for talent in live theatre in the area. I am having the usual trouble finding someone to play a male ingenue for the show I'm directing.... so anyway, I found I needed to use the facilities in the middle of my conversation, so off I go...
As I rise I mention to my lunch mates, "while I'm gone, find me a man."
I go to the bathroom I do my business, yadda, yadda, yadda, and I return. As I do so, this guy at the table next to us asks me, "I hear you're looking for a man..."
This flusters me. MOMENTARILY. Said lunch mates are amused. I reply, "I do! But I like 'em young, I need one who is about twenty or so..."
My awesome Aquarian friend thought he was pretty handsome -- I concurred but being of lesbian persuasion it mattered not to me. Also, we are all quite married and committed anyway...
Lettuce Wraps arrive, we chat about plastic surgery.
Main course, Chicken Cashew, Mongolian Beef with brown rice, we chat about -- hell I don't remember and if I told you I'd have to shoot you anyway so I won't -- that's privileged girl lunch private information.
Fortune cookies. We get statements. Not fortune cookies, statement cookies.
More talking (we're women you know.)
Now our good fellow at the table next to us gets up to leave. Here's the great part.
He puts his fortune on the table at the arm of our celebrated awesome Aquarian and she reads it.
"A secret admirer finds you charming."
It was such a clever come on I was sad I'd never thought of it.
You never know -- even after 30 -- hell -- after 40 what flirty fun might happen, even at lunch...
Friday, January 27, 2006
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
How Can A Cell Phone Be Gay?
Ok, so I swore to myself I wouldn't blog unless something compelled me to do so -- so it's been a few days.
Tonight I was inspired.
I was inspired by a thin as a rail teenage girl working at a store that shall remain anonymous but we'll call it Alberdson's. I'm at the register, right, and an equally thin and awkward teenage boy gets in line behind me.
It goes something like this:
"Oh! You scared me," says she.
"How could I have scared you? I'm just standing here. Right?" says he, addressing me,"I was just standing here how could I have scared her?" Then, back to she, says he,"What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?"
Says she, "We got in trouble in ROTC (ROTC, puhleeze) and have to stay late and paint the deck."
Blah, blah, blah. More yakking. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Etc, etc. I swipe my Visa. She and I do the credit/debit thing, you know the drill.
Says he,"I tried calling you, I can't ever get in touch with you anymore."
"I KNOW," says she, "my cell phone is acting all gay."
Ok, I'm gonna stop right here and mention that I was in line at a grocery store once, the name of the store shall remain anonymous but we'll call it Bowl Foods, and I was yakking away with a companion using my not so bad if I may say so myself British dialect. I got to the checker, and in the most genuine and honest and REAL British dialect, she asked me, "will that be all?" No, really, I don't have time to explain here but she was really from England.
This whole gay cell phone thing could be karma for that, but I digress.
Back to Alberdson's. So thinks me: What the ----? Gay cell phone? She doesn't know she just ACTUALLY said that in the presence of a gay person? And should I say something just to be -- well, just to make myself feel better, and to enlighten her? And how does one attribute human qualities such as "gay" to a cell phone? Is that like anthropomorphizing (wow, I hope I spelled that right) and can anthropomorphizing be attributed to inanimate objects like cell phones in addition to animate ones such as animals? Should I mention that by "gay" does she mean happy, bright, nellie, butch, what? I don't know, but I'm sure it's derogatory.
Immediately upon leaving Alberdson's I called a friend who manages a different grocery store, the name of which shall remain anonymous but we'll call it HEP. I conveyed the story, I asked the questions I had just asked myself and I got the all enlightenment and I'll admit it, righteous confirmation I needed.
No way the teenager with the gay cell phone could ever get hired at HEP.
Tonight I was inspired.
I was inspired by a thin as a rail teenage girl working at a store that shall remain anonymous but we'll call it Alberdson's. I'm at the register, right, and an equally thin and awkward teenage boy gets in line behind me.
It goes something like this:
"Oh! You scared me," says she.
"How could I have scared you? I'm just standing here. Right?" says he, addressing me,"I was just standing here how could I have scared her?" Then, back to she, says he,"What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?"
Says she, "We got in trouble in ROTC (ROTC, puhleeze) and have to stay late and paint the deck."
Blah, blah, blah. More yakking. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Etc, etc. I swipe my Visa. She and I do the credit/debit thing, you know the drill.
Says he,"I tried calling you, I can't ever get in touch with you anymore."
"I KNOW," says she, "my cell phone is acting all gay."
Ok, I'm gonna stop right here and mention that I was in line at a grocery store once, the name of the store shall remain anonymous but we'll call it Bowl Foods, and I was yakking away with a companion using my not so bad if I may say so myself British dialect. I got to the checker, and in the most genuine and honest and REAL British dialect, she asked me, "will that be all?" No, really, I don't have time to explain here but she was really from England.
This whole gay cell phone thing could be karma for that, but I digress.
Back to Alberdson's. So thinks me: What the ----? Gay cell phone? She doesn't know she just ACTUALLY said that in the presence of a gay person? And should I say something just to be -- well, just to make myself feel better, and to enlighten her? And how does one attribute human qualities such as "gay" to a cell phone? Is that like anthropomorphizing (wow, I hope I spelled that right) and can anthropomorphizing be attributed to inanimate objects like cell phones in addition to animate ones such as animals? Should I mention that by "gay" does she mean happy, bright, nellie, butch, what? I don't know, but I'm sure it's derogatory.
Immediately upon leaving Alberdson's I called a friend who manages a different grocery store, the name of which shall remain anonymous but we'll call it HEP. I conveyed the story, I asked the questions I had just asked myself and I got the all enlightenment and I'll admit it, righteous confirmation I needed.
No way the teenager with the gay cell phone could ever get hired at HEP.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Peace
I'm a softie -- really, at heart. Of course I suppose that post about the Lady In Lilac with the Rice Cooker might have exposed me as such, but here I am, and there you have it.
I pray, I meditate, I'm a chaplain, so every once in awhile it's only fitting I invite others to join me in a bit of "shining the light." So tomorrow, at some point, if you can, watch the You Are Love Movie. And even if you're not reading this post on Dec 31st, 2005, watch it anyway.
Mary Reynolds invites us to "take 10 minutes of quiet meditation while watching ... to experience Peace within ourselves, which in turn deliberately and intentionally creates the momentum for the Peace vibration to reverberate throughout the world. Please forward this on to all people that you have a connection with. Let's bring in a phenomenal New Year."
Peace.
Love, Light, and Laughter.
I pray, I meditate, I'm a chaplain, so every once in awhile it's only fitting I invite others to join me in a bit of "shining the light." So tomorrow, at some point, if you can, watch the You Are Love Movie. And even if you're not reading this post on Dec 31st, 2005, watch it anyway.
Mary Reynolds invites us to "take 10 minutes of quiet meditation while watching ... to experience Peace within ourselves, which in turn deliberately and intentionally creates the momentum for the Peace vibration to reverberate throughout the world. Please forward this on to all people that you have a connection with. Let's bring in a phenomenal New Year."
Peace.
Love, Light, and Laughter.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
In French
Ever notice in French all the information on the tampon box makes the process so much more... well, romantic?
What's With The Rice Cooker?
It's a day already filled with emotions from A to Z and it's not yet 10am. It's a blue time for me, and is often this way at this time of year. The elusive, slow, not yet of the new year suspended in time, last week of the year is here. The weather (yes, I am sadly writing of the weather) is a record breaking beautiful and sunny 70 something degrees here in Texas and I've seen few finer sunsets than last night's.
Simple Abundance author Sarah Breathnach notes in the book today, that this is the time of year some of us may be feeling the post partum let down of the holiday season. That may be. It has happened to me many times. It's a time for reflection of losses and gains from the last year, and of gratitude and letting go.
Last night the Sexy Beast and I were getting gas at a local station when a cop pulls into the parking lot and drops off a lithe blonde thirty/forty-something in a lilac dress and heels. She was carrying a worn backpack, a purse, and a rice cooker box.
OOOoooHHHHhhhkaaaaAAAAyyyyy???? She walked from one side of the station to the other to the phones, where she looked around, lost and puzzled, as if she needed to call someone but had no money. She obviously didn't know what to do next. From afar she looked no more than an average woman who had been very unfortunately down on her luck. Like," get me out of a dangerous relationship" bad luck.
We offered her some money -- and having to think looked like it pained her, but finally, she said $10 would get her what she needed. We scraped up $8 of the ten in cash. We offered her a ride. She accepted. Upon now closer inspection it appeared some of her misfortune might have been brought on by her own choices. Lithe from afar looked gaunt when closer. We suspected some sort of amphetamine addiction. Maybe my Miss Manners sensibilities should have set in earlier, noting that lilac is not an appropriate color for December. Nonetheless, she didn't appear woefully indigent, weathered, or irrevocably hopeless. She might be headed toward these things, but she didn't seem as if she was yet there.
On the short ride she offered that she had been cited for not having enough cab fare. Hence the cop dropping her off. She said it had been a rough month. She asked if Christmas was yesterday. No, we replied, it was on Sunday. I felt sadder. Sort of. We thought we were taking her home, but a couple of blocks later, she pointed in a general direction and said "either way is fine." We dropped her at the entrance of a condominium complex a few blocks away (why didn't she have the cop do this?) Then, she asked if we could take her to a store that was across town if we were going by there. (Strange...) We weren't and suggested she shop at the one just across the street. We offered left over Chinese. She thought about it again, and declined. (Strange again...)
The Sexy Beast and I pondered for awhile what we should have done with her. We were headed for a 12 step meeting, and I thought too late that maybe we should have taken her there. Seems logical. Or asked her what her real story was. Or at least her name. We drove by the area later. There was no sign of her.
Anyway, here's hoping the Lady In Lilac in December finds 2006 to be the year her luck changes. She helped me to remember my blessings of a home, a life free from addiction, and a job are sometimes all I need.
But what's with the rice cooker?
Simple Abundance author Sarah Breathnach notes in the book today, that this is the time of year some of us may be feeling the post partum let down of the holiday season. That may be. It has happened to me many times. It's a time for reflection of losses and gains from the last year, and of gratitude and letting go.
Last night the Sexy Beast and I were getting gas at a local station when a cop pulls into the parking lot and drops off a lithe blonde thirty/forty-something in a lilac dress and heels. She was carrying a worn backpack, a purse, and a rice cooker box.
OOOoooHHHHhhhkaaaaAAAAyyyyy???? She walked from one side of the station to the other to the phones, where she looked around, lost and puzzled, as if she needed to call someone but had no money. She obviously didn't know what to do next. From afar she looked no more than an average woman who had been very unfortunately down on her luck. Like," get me out of a dangerous relationship" bad luck.
We offered her some money -- and having to think looked like it pained her, but finally, she said $10 would get her what she needed. We scraped up $8 of the ten in cash. We offered her a ride. She accepted. Upon now closer inspection it appeared some of her misfortune might have been brought on by her own choices. Lithe from afar looked gaunt when closer. We suspected some sort of amphetamine addiction. Maybe my Miss Manners sensibilities should have set in earlier, noting that lilac is not an appropriate color for December. Nonetheless, she didn't appear woefully indigent, weathered, or irrevocably hopeless. She might be headed toward these things, but she didn't seem as if she was yet there.
On the short ride she offered that she had been cited for not having enough cab fare. Hence the cop dropping her off. She said it had been a rough month. She asked if Christmas was yesterday. No, we replied, it was on Sunday. I felt sadder. Sort of. We thought we were taking her home, but a couple of blocks later, she pointed in a general direction and said "either way is fine." We dropped her at the entrance of a condominium complex a few blocks away (why didn't she have the cop do this?) Then, she asked if we could take her to a store that was across town if we were going by there. (Strange...) We weren't and suggested she shop at the one just across the street. We offered left over Chinese. She thought about it again, and declined. (Strange again...)
The Sexy Beast and I pondered for awhile what we should have done with her. We were headed for a 12 step meeting, and I thought too late that maybe we should have taken her there. Seems logical. Or asked her what her real story was. Or at least her name. We drove by the area later. There was no sign of her.
Anyway, here's hoping the Lady In Lilac in December finds 2006 to be the year her luck changes. She helped me to remember my blessings of a home, a life free from addiction, and a job are sometimes all I need.
But what's with the rice cooker?
Monday, December 12, 2005
Holiday Lawn Ornaments
Why oh why, and who oh who invented the Holiday Lawn Ornament that inflates to 10 feet tall at night and lives in a heap like piles o' plastic trash on lawns during the day? Certainly the vandals who are pillaging these allegedly adorable items couldn't have been thinking what I think. This kind of vandalism may not be necessary, but how much blame should we place on those who do it? In finer communities these people might make a living as inflatable ornament hit men.
Honestly! Here's what your yard could look like during the day! Unless you live where I live, in which case your dead ornaments will lie on dead brown grass and fallen leaves.
But, I do have a favorite. And I have my reasons. This inflatable ornament means what it sez. It's cheesy and kinda trashy. and isn't an oxymoron. It requires no reverence such as the next one -- which I couldn't revere if I tried. How am I supposed to revere the Holy Family once they've had hot air shot up their asses? Is what I just said any more sacriligious than this ridiculous Holy Family Lawn Ornament?
While I was browsing Gemmy's website, the by now multi billionaire company that produces these miniature Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloons, I saw this: It's gotta be For The Man Who Has Everything.
And now, for a really groovy and kitschy holiday, here's how to live it up:
Happy Holidays! Yes. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Not Merry Christmas, though that is fine if it's what you celebrate as do I. And I'm NOT anti-Christ for including my friends who might celebrate Hannukah, Kwanzaa, or any other holiday that occurs during the month of December. So take that you bored bullies with the American Family Association.
Wait! It's the holidays. I think I'll practice what they really mean. Faith, hope love and all that. Ok: I forgive the American Family Association and am grateful I live in a country that allows for such freedom of speech.
I'm glad I live in a country where I can say: Happy Holidays!
Honestly! Here's what your yard could look like during the day! Unless you live where I live, in which case your dead ornaments will lie on dead brown grass and fallen leaves.
But, I do have a favorite. And I have my reasons. This inflatable ornament means what it sez. It's cheesy and kinda trashy. and isn't an oxymoron. It requires no reverence such as the next one -- which I couldn't revere if I tried. How am I supposed to revere the Holy Family once they've had hot air shot up their asses? Is what I just said any more sacriligious than this ridiculous Holy Family Lawn Ornament?
While I was browsing Gemmy's website, the by now multi billionaire company that produces these miniature Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloons, I saw this: It's gotta be For The Man Who Has Everything.
And now, for a really groovy and kitschy holiday, here's how to live it up:
Happy Holidays! Yes. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Not Merry Christmas, though that is fine if it's what you celebrate as do I. And I'm NOT anti-Christ for including my friends who might celebrate Hannukah, Kwanzaa, or any other holiday that occurs during the month of December. So take that you bored bullies with the American Family Association.Wait! It's the holidays. I think I'll practice what they really mean. Faith, hope love and all that. Ok: I forgive the American Family Association and am grateful I live in a country that allows for such freedom of speech.
I'm glad I live in a country where I can say: Happy Holidays!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Lesbianation Women We Love, Standing Up For Injustice, and My Sweetie's Red Boots
Over at Lesbianation, the voting for Women We Love goes on. Me, I am old school. I MUST vote for Susan Sarandon. That's class if ever I saw it. WAY before Demi Moore did that Ashton Kutcher thing, Susan Sarandon married Tim Robbins, who is twelve years younger than she is. They met doing one of my favorite movies, Bull Durham.
As for uppity strong women who do their own thing, today in 1955, Rosa Parks took a seat at the front of the bus. I was inspired by a letter Michael Moore wrote, requesting we all do our part to honor Rosa by standing up to injustice in our own ways and email him about it at contributions@michaelmoore.com. It is also World Aids Day so do your part and take a stand! Or another stand.
One of the strange injustices I see each morning as I travel to work is the activity under a highway bridge in a less than desirable area of the city. On three separate occasions in the last two weeks, it appears as if this haven for the homeless has been vandalized -- or more likely -- trashed due to a party the night before. On three separate occasions I have seen orange vested workers with the City, cleaning up the area on what can only be assumed as "the morning after."I don't know which is worse: the notion that we might not care, or the notion that the homeless don't care either. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Some folks do care, and there's a new organization in town that serves our youth, which believe it or not, seriously fall through the cracks in the system. A large number of youth are on the streets to avoid a home where they are battered, or, a home where they are not accepted because they are gay.
Recently, my sweetie and I attended a benefit for Stand Up for Kids. Friend to a band member and general all around crazy groupie to the band that played the event, my sweetie and I enjoyed ourselves, the surroundings, the view, and the excitement.
Safely sitting upon the throne in the rustic but stalled bathroom at this event, my sweetie heard a voice from another stall, "Hey, you with the red boots..." Checking her feet to make sure she was the object of such a statement, my red booted babe replied "Uhm, yes?" "I saw you in the choir at church last Sunday and you guys rocked!" "Uhhh, thanks."
Fame.
I remained dutifully outside the bathroom door, shooing away the papparazi.
As for uppity strong women who do their own thing, today in 1955, Rosa Parks took a seat at the front of the bus. I was inspired by a letter Michael Moore wrote, requesting we all do our part to honor Rosa by standing up to injustice in our own ways and email him about it at contributions@michaelmoore.com. It is also World Aids Day so do your part and take a stand! Or another stand.
One of the strange injustices I see each morning as I travel to work is the activity under a highway bridge in a less than desirable area of the city. On three separate occasions in the last two weeks, it appears as if this haven for the homeless has been vandalized -- or more likely -- trashed due to a party the night before. On three separate occasions I have seen orange vested workers with the City, cleaning up the area on what can only be assumed as "the morning after."I don't know which is worse: the notion that we might not care, or the notion that the homeless don't care either. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Some folks do care, and there's a new organization in town that serves our youth, which believe it or not, seriously fall through the cracks in the system. A large number of youth are on the streets to avoid a home where they are battered, or, a home where they are not accepted because they are gay.
Recently, my sweetie and I attended a benefit for Stand Up for Kids. Friend to a band member and general all around crazy groupie to the band that played the event, my sweetie and I enjoyed ourselves, the surroundings, the view, and the excitement.
Safely sitting upon the throne in the rustic but stalled bathroom at this event, my sweetie heard a voice from another stall, "Hey, you with the red boots..." Checking her feet to make sure she was the object of such a statement, my red booted babe replied "Uhm, yes?" "I saw you in the choir at church last Sunday and you guys rocked!" "Uhhh, thanks."
Fame.
I remained dutifully outside the bathroom door, shooing away the papparazi.
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