Authenticity

I appreciate the Sexy Beast today.

I am in one of those fatigued and, oh, I'll admit it, cynical, moods. She's been my positive outlook lately.

I stand on a sort of precipice and I am well... frankly bored and burnt out on this sort of white bread world of manufacturing where I have gotten most of my work experience. It is sometimes so lacking in heart that I can barely stand it. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for those who buy things that go on the assembly of an ATM so that I can have cash on the weekends but damn it all -- I don't want that person to be me if it involves... dare I say it... dull people or a reckless need to simply produce results. Blech.

Don't get me wrong, not all companies who make and build things are boring, nor are all the people who work there. I've come across several where the people are more than interesting enough!

Nevertheless, I stand with my feet in both the creative and "corporate" worlds. The Sexy Beast described me yesterday (and I paraphrase) as someone who brings a creative and artistic personality to play to the work force and that that is my true contribution. Some such thing like that. And I realized I am not really a buyer, or purchaser at all. I realized that I'd be fine with doing that, sure... but... the more I interview in the field, the more I feel like everyone is more interested in results than authenticity and I just can't produce results unless I'm being authentic. And to be entirely authentic, I don't know that I care to produce results for the company that funds the war, aerospace engineering, half the world's banks, etc...

I am facing it. I am a people based person, much more well versed in the ability of being authentic than I am in producing results in an industry where it's impossible to be authentic unless you are into producing results instead of making people happy. I don't mean this in a codependent way. I just have a hard time getting into having been a part of a team that "streamlined logistics processing 30%" or "improved efficiency by 60%." What does that really mean in the grand scheme of things and for whom does it make a difference.

I really do admire in this sort of alien way, the people who can do both, but it's growing harder and harder for me to do both myself. I suppose because I am growing more and more into this driving need to be authentic.

So I'm wrestling with this one. How does authenticity produce results? How does my particular authenticity produce results? Why do I separate the two when it comes to creating financial and career success? What is it I truly should be doing to marry the two?

The Sexy Beast says I'm an Artist. She's right. I'm an artist. But I'm even more interested in being authentic.

And there's still this office supply sales thing. Intriguing.

Stay tuned.