Holiday Lawn Ornaments

Why oh why, and who oh who invented the Holiday Lawn Ornament that inflates to 10 feet tall at night and lives in a heap like piles o' plastic trash on lawns during the day? Certainly the vandals who are pillaging these allegedly adorable items couldn't have been thinking what I think. This kind of vandalism may not be necessary, but how much blame should we place on those who do it? In finer communities these people might make a living as inflatable ornament hit men.




Honestly! Here's what your yard could look like during the day! Unless you live where I live, in which case your dead ornaments will lie on dead brown grass and fallen leaves.












But, I do have a favorite. And I have my reasons. This inflatable ornament means what it sez. It's cheesy and kinda trashy. and isn't an oxymoron. It requires no reverence such as the next one -- which I couldn't revere if I tried. How am I supposed to revere the Holy Family once they've had hot air shot up their asses? Is what I just said any more sacriligious than this ridiculous Holy Family Lawn Ornament?



















While I was browsing Gemmy's website, the by now multi billionaire company that produces these miniature Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloons, I saw this: It's gotta be For The Man Who Has Everything.

And now, for a really groovy and kitschy holiday, here's how to live it up:






Happy Holidays! Yes. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Not Merry Christmas, though that is fine if it's what you celebrate as do I. And I'm NOT anti-Christ for including my friends who might celebrate Hannukah, Kwanzaa, or any other holiday that occurs during the month of December. So take that you bored bullies with the American Family Association.

Wait! It's the holidays. I think I'll practice what they really mean. Faith, hope love and all that. Ok: I forgive the American Family Association and am grateful I live in a country that allows for such freedom of speech.

I'm glad I live in a country where I can say: Happy Holidays!