Authenticity

I appreciate the Sexy Beast today.

I am in one of those fatigued and, oh, I'll admit it, cynical, moods. She's been my positive outlook lately.

I stand on a sort of precipice and I am well... frankly bored and burnt out on this sort of white bread world of manufacturing where I have gotten most of my work experience. It is sometimes so lacking in heart that I can barely stand it. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for those who buy things that go on the assembly of an ATM so that I can have cash on the weekends but damn it all -- I don't want that person to be me if it involves... dare I say it... dull people or a reckless need to simply produce results. Blech.

Don't get me wrong, not all companies who make and build things are boring, nor are all the people who work there. I've come across several where the people are more than interesting enough!

Nevertheless, I stand with my feet in both the creative and "corporate" worlds. The Sexy Beast described me yesterday (and I paraphrase) as someone who brings a creative and artistic personality to play to the work force and that that is my true contribution. Some such thing like that. And I realized I am not really a buyer, or purchaser at all. I realized that I'd be fine with doing that, sure... but... the more I interview in the field, the more I feel like everyone is more interested in results than authenticity and I just can't produce results unless I'm being authentic. And to be entirely authentic, I don't know that I care to produce results for the company that funds the war, aerospace engineering, half the world's banks, etc...

I am facing it. I am a people based person, much more well versed in the ability of being authentic than I am in producing results in an industry where it's impossible to be authentic unless you are into producing results instead of making people happy. I don't mean this in a codependent way. I just have a hard time getting into having been a part of a team that "streamlined logistics processing 30%" or "improved efficiency by 60%." What does that really mean in the grand scheme of things and for whom does it make a difference.

I really do admire in this sort of alien way, the people who can do both, but it's growing harder and harder for me to do both myself. I suppose because I am growing more and more into this driving need to be authentic.

So I'm wrestling with this one. How does authenticity produce results? How does my particular authenticity produce results? Why do I separate the two when it comes to creating financial and career success? What is it I truly should be doing to marry the two?

The Sexy Beast says I'm an Artist. She's right. I'm an artist. But I'm even more interested in being authentic.

And there's still this office supply sales thing. Intriguing.

Stay tuned.

Bald Headedness For Marsha

I told Marsha I'd make a list on being bald -- just a list of things... she's pissed about losing her hair because of chemo. I'm not so grand as to say I wouldn't be pissed too!

This one's for Marsha.

Let's see:

You can be a Conehead for Halloween.

You can play The King of Siam in the all female version of "The King And I at Vassar" -- if you went to Vassar.

You can get together with another bald headed person and make an appearance -- and the radiologist, who doesn't know your ass from your head, won't know the difference. (Really, if you're going to mess with someone's ass for any length of time, I'd think you'd at least introduce yourself.)

You can claim a legitimate reason for your pate, unlike Britney.

It's manly. Wait... wrong gender... or... erm... sexual orientation, too.

You can tell everyone that you really WILL lose your hair if you do It too much.

If bald men make better lovers...

I saw something on a website when researching this list about men who have no testicles never go bald. What if a man has only one testicle? Wonder why the same wouldn't stand to reason in women?

Anyway -- I'm sorry Marsha, that you're gonna lose your hair. Thank GOODNESS it won't grow back on your palms.

Divine Order

I suppose titling this post "Divine Order" is appropriate. I've been so busy I have no way to put things in order so I suppose the Divine will have to do it for me.

I haven't blogged since I lost my job. First things first: How did I EVER manage to put 40 hours of work in and do everything else I've been doing? OMIGOSH.

So what's been happenin'?

I should just make a list:
1. Lost my job, don't care to find it again.

2. Beast Boy 1 returned home for a brief stay.

3. Unity Church of The Hills needed a publicity person to manage some vast amounts of collateral and bestowed upon me "Volunteer of The Month" -- I think it is a ploy to keep me at the desk doing all those documents ;-)

4. Steel Magnolias rehearsals and production started. THIS was a lot more work than anticipated -- but I'm not complaining. Directing theatre is a true pleasure but when you have to do some of the producing, too it's like walking through wet tar. In the case of this production, it was like walking through tar that had dried while I was walking through it. Mercury went retrograde through the rehearsal process -- and as most of my friends know by now, my lead and friend the AMAZING Marsha was diagnosed with lymphoma during the final week of rehearsals -- we added another week of rehearsal after opening for the FANTASTIC actress who is standing in for her. Here is the amazing Marsha in a publicity photo for Steel Magnolias. Yeah I took it. BTW, later, I will post the review -- which was also AMAZING. And the houses have been selling out!



I don't usually gripe about Mercury retrograde, and before you go calling me airy fairy, I don't let them bother me either -- they happen three times a year so it makes no matter to me if I'm rehearsing or not. Nonetheless, this one seemed to create a very real drag on the communication. Misunderstandings abounded.

5. Beast Boy 2 has been at TSU -- Theatre Camp. It's like he's in college already. I called the other day and he answered the phone, "May I help you?" and I said, "Is this Burger King?" We'll be catching his shows and picking him up this weekend.

Sexy Beast may have to pick him up alone. I have a hair appt. We can't miss those now can we?

So... back to this Divine Order thing. Seems interviews and calls from potential employers ceased for about two weeks. I think it's interesting that they started up again once we got Steel Magnolias propped up and ready to go. Next week I have an interview with Wincor-Nixdorf. Do I want to work for a company named Nixdorf? We'll see. I also have an opportunity to sell office supplies. Sexy Beast couldn't be more bored with such a thing. But me? I LOVE office supplies. I am a office supply geek. That's weird isn't it? Pens, especially. Groovy post-its. There's nothing like opening the office supply order when it arrives at the office!

6. Photography. Lots of it. Enough to supplement my income. I'd have thought admin work or something less creative would supplement my income (something to fall back on, as we used to say, back in the day) but as Divine Order would have it, everyone has wanted a photo! I have to thank Marsha for handling the headshot clinic I did for the Palace. I am so resistant to starting my own business in this way, but for Whatever Reason this photography thing has been the only thing that hasn't presented me with a number of annoying obstacles in the last few months. Should I take that as a Sign? Sheesh...

Here is an ad I did this week, just in case Divine would have it that I should proceed with this endeavor:
(btw, not one of these people has agreed to be used as a model, so if you know them, don't tell 'em... ok? LOL)

Wanna picture? I'll take yours. OMIGOSH -- what if I sold office supplies and took photos while I was at it?

7. NxNW Theatre -- we've compiled a realistic first season and found one or two -- not so particularly perfect but acceptable -- locations to perform. Now it's time to ask for money. Will you give us money? Say yes and go to the NxNW Theatre website. Click on the "donate now" button. It's easy. You may as well do it now and save me asking you later, because I will.

8. FINALLY! I have been enjoying a terrific week with the AMAZING Sexy Beast. How she does all the amazing things she does gets me... she is like the most superior buyer for Solectron, and she's singing with an acapella group at the moment and is about to sing with the "FUN Singers" at church again. She even outrageously suggested I join her for the FUN singers. I told her I'd do it if she'd do Gay/Lesbian salsa lessons with me. :-D. This is also a warning to anyone else singing with the FUN Singers.

The most AMAZING thing about the Sexy Beast, aside from her ability to disappear entirely from view in a 1/2 second when she is in a Target, and her... erm... well... I can't blog about that here -- is that, as mother of Beast Boy #1, she is able to function when being so challenged by his adventures.

I don't tell her enough that she is amazing. Oh wait. She has been pestering me to blog so now she knows. Whew.

Finally -- in case you were wondering:

Zeta is doing fine! Brilliant dog. You can tell from the photo. She is definitely wondering what that idiot is doing. The human one, not the canine.